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Copyright © Rick Ollman 2000-2017. All rights reserved.


Fifty Ways
to Miss the Fairway

"The answer is easy if you take it logic'lly.
I'm here to help you if you're strugglin' to be free;
There must be Fifty Ways to Miss the Fairway."

She said, "It's really not my habit to intrude;
I hope my meaning won't be lost or misconstrued.
But if you listen to a woman tell you, dude,
There must be Fifty Ways to Miss the Fairway."

You hit it too fat, Pat;
I call that a whiff, Cliff;
Grip it so tight, Dwight, just listen to me.
Cut out the fuss, Gus;
Don't need to cuss so much!
Look out for the tree, Lee, now get yourself free.

She said it grieves me now to see you in such pain;
I wish there was somethin' I could do to make you smile again."
I said, "I appreciate that, and could you please explain
About the fifty ways..."

She said, "Why don't we just sleep on it tonight;
I'm sure in the morning you'll begin to see the light."
And then it hit me that she probably was right;
There must be Fifty Ways to Miss the Fairway.

You picked up your head, Ted;
A little more juice, Bruce;
Teed it too low, Joe, just listen to me.
Cut out the fuss, Gus;
Don't need to cuss so much!
Look out for the tree, Lee, now get yourself free.


Rick Ollman, with apologies to Paul Simon



Sandra's additions

Throw out your back, Jack;
You hit it too wide, Clyde;
Choke up on the club, Bub—just listen to me.
Cut out the fuss, Russ;
Don't need to cuss so much!
Look out for the tree, Lee—and go for the green!